4 Things To Discuss With Your SO Before You Move In Together
There are so many things to think about when moving in with your partner. For Addison and I, even the logistics of moving across state lines took a few hour-long phone calls and a shared Google Doc to work out. But there were also a few not-so-obvious details we also made a point to talk about beforehand, which, as we took the plunge this weekend, I think is a large reason we won't have many issues. Here are 4 of the most important things we discussed prior to moving in together that you might consider before you do too!
1. Money Talks
If you’re going to move in with your SO you need to discuss your finances. Will you pay rent 50/50, or base it on how much you each make? When you buy furniture, will you split the cost or will each of you purchase different items? And what about other expenses, like groceries, cleaning supplies, and decorations? Remember that although this conversation could be awkward, it only will be if you decide it is.
2. Bed Time
Something Addison and I knew from years of dating before we moved in together is our very different sleep schedules. I am a total grandma when it comes to my sleep. I like to go to bed early and wake up at the crack of dawn. Addison, however, can’t fall asleep before 2AM and would rather sleep until 10 or 11 in the morning. This is not necessarily a problem for us, but it was definitely a good thing to be aware of so we can be considerate of the other’s sleeping patterns.
As an adult, there are a lot of minuscule tasks around the house that need to get done on a daily, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis… otherwise known as chores. As a kid, I dreaded chores more than anything else… In fact, I distinctly remember getting out of doing the dishes every night because it was the only time of day I could practice violin. True story. Anyway, before moving in together Addison and I discussed which chores we enjoy and which we hate. For example, I absolutely hate folding laundry and Addison totally despises emptying the dishwasher. So, we decided he will fold the laundry and I will empty the dishwasher. I enjoy cleaning, dusting, and changing our sheets, whereas taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and cleaning out the refrigerator are things Addison doesn’t mind doing. The division of these tasks took approximately 5 minutes prior to moving in, but I can already tell those 5 minutes are going to save us a lot of hostility and arguments later!
4. Alone Time
After we signed our lease in Nashville and it was official that I would be moving in with Addison, I asked my friend Greg if there was anything he had learned when he moved in with his boyfriend Jude. To my surprise he responded, “You know those days you get home from work or something and you just want to curl up somewhere and not talk to anyone and decompress?” I said yes, not sure where he was going with this. “Well, something you have to get used to is either Addison needing that alone time, or you needing that alone time, and actually finding it in a small, shared space.” I loved this advice. In mine and Addison’s case, we are very open communicators and so far it has not been a problem for either of us to respectfully ask for alone time. But a great way for you to avoid the awkwardness beforehand is to get a feel for how often your SO needs to recharge alone, and discuss exactly how you each will go about getting that much needed time to yourselves.
As you can see, none of the items on this list require too much time or thought but can make the world of a difference in how you live, communicate, and get along. Sharing a bedroom and dividing up household financial responsibilities and chores all seem like they can be worked out after you’ve gotten settled. However, these small details can save you a lot of frustration if they are openly discussed before the big move!